Sunday, October 3, 2010


So I'm pretty sure I've told you about the doorman. Dudley is a jamaican. Dudley is a talker. Dudley never forgets details about people and constantly gossips. Well I think they all do but Dudley... Dudley is different. He doesn't gossip maliciously if you can understand that...

But don't get stuck talking to Dudley if you gotta pee or something. Cause Dudley is gonna keep talking and talking. Not let you get a word in...

Dudley is 100% Team Crab. He tells me over and over again. How Crab "shows much re-spect". Its been quite a while since Crab has been over. But he remembers Crab's car and tells me how that is such a "great car and it much better than Lexus" and he always notices those and looks to see if it is Crab. This convo was while Mini whined and begged to go. He was exhausted. But that didn't stop Dudley. He just went on and on about the car.

Well today my dad came by to take Mini off of my hands for a while. I wasn't feeling so well. Well he musta gotten caught talking to Dudley before coming up to the apartment.

When I went down to get Mini, dudley starts.

You saw your daddy today uh? He tell me you go jamaica and all night de rasta walk all round you house wit de cutlass.

**now the only cutlass I know is a car, but I'm all uh huh...**

So he's goin on

Dem carry de cutlass there. Them no carry guns. Da cutlass is like dem guns and your daddy tell me they walk all night with the cutlass and dem no care cuase they want the money.

Oh........ he's talking about the dude with the machete!

"Oh yeah yeah yeah...." I say.

So he goes on about the govt wanting to ban the cutlass, about the St. Mary parish and they are crazy and if them no get you with the cutlass them get you with the black magic voodoo. And they cut everyting. People, animal... everyting. He told me about election time in 1980 when people would walk the streets with the cutlass slashing people. He told me about the man who cut his wife's head off because he caught her cheating. Now Dudley has a THICK accent so I don't always understand what he's talking about. So I know the lady wrote a letter to someone about soomething, lover something or other, mother and father in law ran. This is the part of the story where Dudley laughed.... so I laughed. But I had not a clue what he had said. He told me about the man who cut the donkey up into peices because the Donkey was on his land. And he couyld have caught the donkey and pawned it but they are so mean they just cut up everything, donkey, pig, cows....

Then how... how... he began to talk about some chick named April who used to live here I don't know but he talked about her husband who died and worked at the hospital and then she was dealing with some dude who was a lightweight boxer and he thought that he sold drugs because he was always at the Seton Hall Campus. Back and forth to seton hall. And he and the girl broke up but he still came by because they had a kid together and when you have a kid with someone sometimes your friends and sometimes you're enemies. And dude had the new Lexus when it first came out and then he had the coupe. And dude said he was gonna get the chick back one day cause he was gonna fight Tyson (Mike. Not 50Tyson).

My dad FINALLY pulls up. Whew. Nah.... just gives Dudley more to talk about

That car is nice. That's his company car though.

**See my dad always has nice cars. Jags, benzes, bmws. And Dudley seems to love cars so he always says something about whatever car my dad is driving at the time**

So he talks to me as I walk to the elevator. Fords are good at first... then out of nowhere...

BOOM. New subject! Something about widows ans SSI check and not remarrying and something about someone who can never find a man who isn't married.

I let the elevator door close. Worked today. Doesn't always though. Cause Dudley will stick his hand in the door and make sure you hear what he has to say!

1 comment:

  1. Never met a Jamaican who couldn't talk your head off. LOL!